It has been a long while since I have written a blog entry and to my millions of fans: I’m sorry. However, I’ve had a reason to be away from the internet. I was recently was told by my doctor that I suffer from anxiety. This didn’t really come as a shock to me. I have known people who suffer from anxiety and whenever they would tell me how they felt, I always knew that was how I also felt. So, actually being diagnosed with it was actually kind of a relief because I was getting more worried about why I was feeling like I could scream all the time but also wanted to cry.
It did come as a shock to my family. My mother was mad at first but only because I had never talked to her about how I felt because she also dealt with panic attacks because of her thyroid. My dad was upset because he thought he had failed me in some way because one of the main reasons I used to get stressed and upset was our move away from my hometown that we lived in for 14 years of my life. The reaction that really upset me was my eldest brothers. I have three brothers who are all older than me but I was always closest to the eldest; James. So, when my mum decided to tell him, he was mad that he lived too far away to help me and every time we talked on the phone, he would ask me how I was and would make sure that I was telling the truth.
The reason that I decided to write a blog post about my anxiety is because I find writing to be a real stress reliever for me but I can’t always write how my mad brain patterns down by hand because I think too much about how I’m writing and that just causes more stress for me. I just want to be able to have a day without feeling like I’ve done something wrong or seen someone that causes me stress or just feel unhappy and I think I am getting to that place. Especially since I will be moving away to university in a month. Wish me luck!